I AM

I came across a song today on a blog I read and it really hit home.

I started listening and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my cheeks.

The lyrics are simple and beautiful.

Words that I’ve known and prayed throughout my life.

So when the tears started flowing I was kinda surprised a little bit because I realized that the emotion behind those tears wasn’t just gratitude for who God is. It was something else, too.

This entire year for our family has been an exercise in faith.

With every step of this move we’ve had to step out in blind faith.

Where to buy a house?

What kind of living arrangements do we need to accommodate a family of 7 plus Pastor Margaret?

How do we move 2 households at the same time?

New oncologists for Pastor Margaret?

The normal yet tedious financial and legal issues that have to be dealt with after the loss of our PawPaw?

Schools for the kids?

Job for me?

The list goes on and on.

I can’t speak for anyone else in our family, but for me, the only way to approach a move such as this has been blind faith and one step at a time.

I have literally prayed my way through the majority of this year.

Well, I say I’ve prayed my way through this year and I truly have, but I also realized that I’ve kind of gone through all of these changes in a....well....kind of a robotic way. Sort of emotionless.

I tend to get overly analytical and try to figure out what God is doing and the reasoning behind this and such and so on.

AS IF I could ever figure anything out!

In an attempt to not let the stress of it all get to me I think I’ve power-prayed my way through it all, instead of letting Christ carry me through.

Does that make sense?

Probably not.

I’m still thinking this through even as I type.

But as I listened to I Am by Nichole Nordeman I was freshly reminded by the simple fact that the God who knit me together in my mother’s womb is the same God who felt my tears when I was scared to go to Sunday School as a 3 year old when my Mama had to leave me to go play the organ for worship.

He’s the same God who cheered me on when Stephanie Steckler taught me how to ride a bike without training wheels.

He’s the same God who loved me as my heart broke when I saw 3 girls outside my high school boyfriend’s bedroom window.

He’s the same God who smiled when my Daddy gave me roses for my sweet 16th birthday.

He’s the same God who saw yet forgave all the stupid butt-headed things I ever did and continue to do.

He’s the same God who blessed me with a husband and 5 precious children.

He’s the same God who loved and carried me through the pain of a miscarriage.

He’s the same God who has carried our family throughout this year and through every major life change.

And most importantly, not only is He all of that for me, but He is becoming all of that for each of my children.

At least that is my prayer.

There is nothing that escapes God’s attention.

He knows it all.

And He loves us through every second whether we acknowledge it or not.

I pray that each of my children will come to know Jesus in a very real and personal way.

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So when I think of who God is to me today, I would have to say He is my Friend, Sustainer, Counselor, Protector and Shield.

Who is He to you?